Why have I spent a lifetime being deeply, at times debilitatingly, ashamed of the most trivial and ridiculous things? Of pimples, of peeing (yes peeing…and of course every other bodily function), of eating (yes of eating too), of being fat, of not having big enough boobs, of talking at the wrong time, or saying the wrong words, of innocent mistakes (in words, in spelling, in grammar and etiquette).

Why have I spent a lifetime being afraid of my flawed body, of my imperfections, of my perceived faults in personality or behavior?

Yes, there are things I have done, and will do, for which I should feel shame. Knowingly harmful acts— like the countless times I have chosen personal convenience over the good of others. Perfect example, the times I have purchased products without doing the necessary research as to their supply chain, simply because I didn’t want to be bothered at that moment— bothered, as in taking 5 minutes to look something up, perhaps purchase a pricier product, though I was obviously fine with the “bother” which took years off a child’s life while they slaved in making this item (an item I will likely disregard when it no longer serves me).

Actually as I write these words I do begin to see things as they are, to see the unflattering truth behind these insane errors in my calculus. Despite all that I have done to prove otherwise to myself, I still quite desperately desire the approval, the love, of others. So ingrained in my calculations is this need for approval that it colors the way I judge myself in every way. If something might jeopardize said approval I perceive it as bad, shameful, something to be avoided (even if it is in fact an act that would do profound good). And should others excuse and accept me despite doing something horribly harmful (as in the supply chain scenario), well then I don’t pay that transgression too much mind.

So how have I continued to let this ruling principle of approval hold dominion for so long? I excuse it, I rationalize it. Oh boy have I rationalized it, with countless “intelligent” reasons… “I can do more good and help more people if they accept me”, “I can function better in life with someone to love me” etc., etc.

Well I call bull sh*t on myself and anyone else who buys in to this skewed logic, because what actually does some real good, what creates profound change is when we stand up for our ideals, when we reveal our truest selves, when we by our own actions make others less afraid to demonstrate their true humanity too, to see the world through honest eyes. And, as for love, we can never feel truly loved unless we are being our complete and pure self, a self which we can be proud of because it is in agreement with our most noble desires.

So no longer will I let these ridiculous shames stop me from focusing on what I really wish to be, I will merely be this self who is trying to do as much good in the world as she can, and who doesn’t always (or perhaps often) look, sound or behave beautifully, eloquently or acceptably in the process. My hope is that in being my glaringly imperfect self I will help free others to be their truest selves as well.

“My” Political candidate is not a perfect human being nor is “yours”. I am not entirely correct in all my conclusions, nor are you.

And no political party has ownership over what it means to be human, to have empathy, care for each other, to spread love & kindness, to be responsible toward all of humanity.

As we enter this general election in America I feel it is of so much importance to make these points, because it is so important to never loose site of our love for and obligation to each other, and the futures of ALL our children.

I have my political opinions as do you, but all I ask of and for each of you is that you truly spend the time and take the energy to calculate to the best of your ability what you can do, whom you can support to make this world as kind, inclusive, loving, sustainable and promising for our children and their children.

Also LOVE each other and spread joy, because we are all better able to see clearly when we are happy and surrounded by friends not isolated, angry, and scared. If we only lift each other up and let none of our friends, our fellow humans fall into hatred, fear or despair this world will certainly be a more beautiful place.

How about this as a starting point: We agree that we will never be xenophobic nationalists, that we will love each other, look out for one another, and treat each other with dignity regardless of our differences, that we do not wish to use guns to kill one another and that we wish to leave a healthy prospering natural world for future generations. The rest we can work out from there.

Funny paradox this is, attempting to communicate the wish to take myself out of the equation by writing about myself–life has its many ironies. I guess the main point is that I wish you to know that anything I post is truly for you, only for you, and I hope that if you click “like”, it is because that post speaks to or for some aspect of you. It’s hard to find the right words yet it’s important to me to share, that I believe Facebook can be a means of communicating without ego involved, just pure, direct communication without the bells and whistles. I know this can be true because I have seen it in so many of your wonderful loving, kind, selfless, posts and comments. In all honesty though, when it turns into anything else I just want to give myself a metaphorical scrub down, and then run far far away.

Given the number of posts (well pretty much only quotes, call a spade a spade) I’ve posted over the years you may be surprised to know that I would likely not hit a “like” button on Facebook as a whole.

Though I love you, I love the pictures of your babies, I love your words of wisdom, your tales of wonder, your causes, your passionate pleas, the support you show to one another, all of the pictures you’ve taken on your travels and I truly love that there exists a space where we can share these things …but that’s just it, I love your life, and I love life in general. I love that you are out in the world living it, not just home on your computer thinking about, critiquing or presenting it.

I love humanity, I love that we as humans can connect, not just virtually but deeply and profoundly with those all over the world— across language barriers, class barriers, social barriers, land locks and treacherous waters.

What I do not desire though is to turn this into a tool for idol worship or ego worship for branding or self-promotion. And I suppose I grow uneasy at it’s tendency to veer in that direction. In other words I do not want to feed any desire to be liked or “liked” or to otherwise take stock of my “worth”, and in fact the feeling that perhaps I have inadvertently entered into that game or am in anyway propagating it is what makes me wish to run far away.

In any case, these are very personal feelings, not judgements of anyone- I certainly believe everyone should feel out what is best for them. I suppose I am only attempting to shed what feels like false skin to me. Because I do like being able to check up on the well being of you all, because I do want to share those things which have given me some joy in the hopes that they might do the same for one of you, because I do wish for you to truly know that you are looked out for, looked after and appreciated for exactly who and what you are! And at the same time I wish to be completely free of what sometimes feels like a self-perpetuating, virtual-ego creating, machine. This message is anticlimactic I know, as I am not leaving Facebook in some dramatic effort to make my point, I simply wanted to shed some light on these thoughts and every once in a while I might throw out these words, as I would pebbles at some window, hoping eventually to shatter this facade…but always doing so with love and gratitude for your friendship and with wishes that perhaps something I share inspires you ❤